There really are not two forces raging inside me. Its just me. Me, alone, battling against God. And that where I feel the most self-destructive. It literally tears me apart. For my wants go this way, and my desires go another. I am looking up at Him, with lips murmuring pleas, as my arms and hands and legs do things while my eyes are distracted.
And it is self-destructive, right? Its my self battling the other part of my self. One pulling the other back from giving it all away.
And the thing is, I know better, right? Of course I do. Without a heart of knowledge how can there be repentance.
I'm just tired of the struggle and of the repentance.
So, if my prayers seem hopeful to you about my urgency for Christ's return, please do not misread piety and holy earnestness. I'm just tired and need a nap.
Nothing Before, Nothing Behind
9 years ago
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