November 6, 2005 - Sunday 1 down Current mood: thoughtful Hey there all you procrastinators! Well, I'm in the midst of writing my paper that i've been putting off for two weeks. its not so bad... I'm about a third of the way through it. But, wouldn;t you know it, my mind has wandered to this: "How shall I describe this generatio? These people are like a group of children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their friends, 'We played wedding songs, and you weren't happy, so we played funeral songs, and you weren't sad'. For John the Baptist didn't drink wine and he often fasted, and you say, 'He's demon possessed'. And I, the Son of Man, feast and drink, and you say, 'He's a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of the worst sinners!' But wisdom is show to be right by what results from it" Matthew 11:16-19 I wonder who I'm trying to perform for? Am I really just trying to play my part to a crowd that will never be happy with it? Well, back to work. Currently listening : Nickel Creek By Nickel Creek Release date: 21 March, 2000 11:58 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 3, 2005 - Thursday And the clouds opened up... So, the other night, tuesday night last, I walked home form work. I live bout ten minutes from my work as I walk, and it was a cool night. I was thinking all night of asking someone to take me home, but I just didn't. Don't know why, just didn't. I've takin' to likin' these walks. Its quiet and dark and everyone is usully asleep. Its relly one of the few chnces I have to being alone. As some of you know, I'm relly struggling to figure out what to do after I graduate. i worry and fret about it and I tend to wrestle with it bit more than i should. But, its good to think about these things. As I was alking home, I was walking through a particularly darker street. It had rined earlier that evening and the sky was still overcast. As I was praying, I begn to really pour out my heart to God, just telling Him all of my thoughts, concerns and worries about teh new yer, when a wind came up, out of nowhere and blew the clouds away, revealing a perfect night sky. No moon, so all the strs could be seen. Mars, the bright ornge brilliance, was directly overhead. I heard an assurance in my heart: "If God can tke care of all these stars, create, name and sustain them, and direct that planet with such grace, why am i so worried?" As I rounded the corner, I was full of praise and prayer, thanking God, but He was not done. At the bottom of the hill, three doe started to cross the road. And nother reassurnace came up: "Those deer do not worry about anything. They are given all they need, and when they are taken, it is at God's hand, as He even provides for the hunter through them." Such sovreignty our God has. Am I still gonna worry adn fret, probably. But not right now. And not when i remember the evening of All Saint's Day. Currently listening : Much Afraid By Jars of Clay Release date: 16 September, 1997 1:18 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

November 1, 2005 - Tuesday Daylight Saving Current mood: tired A weird thought I shared with my friend Josh. He lives in Nashville. I live in Harrisburg. His girlfriend lives in Pittsburgh. Nashville is one hour behind us. But for one hour last sunday morning, when it struck 2 am here... we were in the same hour. This happens twice a year. Am I a nerd to think this is cool? For one hour, we shared time with those behind us. Currently reading : Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life By C.S. Lewis Release date: 23 March, 1966 12:15 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

October 18, 2005 - Tuesday Gr8 times @ concerts nd what not Last Saturday Night, a group of us went to see Chris Tomlin, Mtt Redman and Louie Giglio do a show that rocked my world. This is not teh first time that I've seen any fo the artists but.. well.. I'll put it liek this: Have you ever seen a band so many times, or read a book so mnay times, or visited a friend so many times, that you are never bored with them, but are alwys excited to see them again becuase you never know whats gonna happen but you are assurred a good time? This was last sturday night. I imagine there are lots of bands, books, people, that this could always apply to in my life. Nicel Creek, "The Chronicles of Narnia", "East of Eden", Justin McRoberts and his lovely wife... these are people/bands/ books that i alwys look forward to seeing. I hope that you are having one of those kinds of days. Currently reading : Basics of Biblical Hebrew Grammar By Gary D. Pratico Release date: 01 September, 2001 1:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

October 4, 2005 - Tuesday Malachi 3:6 "I am the Lord and I do not change. That is why you descendants of Jacob are not already completely destroyed..." (NLT) Malachi is a short book of the Bible and well worth the read if you 1) lack time 2) wonder what its like when God tlks to himself I mean not literally. Its Malachi talking to the people. But God asks these questions, then has "Israel" answer them, then He answers back. This not something you'd think the Cretor fo the universe would do all day... maybe us, but not Him. And yet, how comforting is it to know that God knows how we think. He is answering the very questions He knew they were asking in their hearts. They were having problems dealing with God becasue the people who were supposed to be teching them stopped caring. So, when they ask, 'Why ahs God abandoned us?" (Mlachi 2:14), God equtes to a marriage gone horrbly wrong becasue the groom forgot how to treat his wife. Instead he goes off trying to pacify his wife with gifts, instead of with love. God did not change. He has not changed. Amazing, considering how I want to change and be different everyday, if not every hour. He is an anchor in the storm of my personlities and chracters.

I'm wide awake its morning

Well, today is long. I find the days getting longer, not shorter as the winter is coming. My days are partly long because of all the time I spend awake. Claire, the beauty, awakes at 6 am. I feed her because Heather, the love of my life, is trying to get ready for work. And then I read and study and play with the beauty 'til it's time for us to leave. After classes I come home to go to work.. until the large-ish hours of the evening. After which I come home and study, read and do general homework stuff.

Please do not think I am complaining. I love my life. I love my wife. I love my daughter. There is just not neough time to spend with everyone I love. And by my absence I am loving them, I guess, I am providing for them. Which is good. I really want them to eat and all. Its just tiring.

I hold firm the truth that God will never give me more than i can handle. And that He is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

I'm just tired.

Amen

a thought while walking outside Messiah

It is getting progressively colder. No, I'm not surprised. I've lived in Harrisburg most of my life and I know it does get cold in the winter. But this year kinda surprised me. Because it is so cold. I was just getting used to the idea of being warm, when first came a storm and then came fall.

Pennsylvania is very pretty in the fall. We get these wonderful colours and the trees look awesome. Who knew all those colours were just hiddden in there? Messiah looks great this time of year. If you're going to have a wedding there, do it in the fall, the rest of the yera is too muggy and bug infested and ugly when you've seen Messiah in the fall.

But here's something that kinda hit me in the face while I was walking to my car/locker from calls on friday. We often view fall and autumn as death, as the earth dying, and we look forward to the spring becasue we and the earth can lvie again. I'm not beginning to see that this is false. The earth is not dying and we shouldn;t have to suffer through winter. Instead, if God is trying to teach us anything through the cycles of the Earth, couldn;t it be that this little time of fasting the trees take, and this little time of frost is somethign that helps the Earth? Would it be possible to say that Christ's words on the cross, "It is finished", be appropriate for this time of year? Christ was alluding to Psalm 22, in which his death is figured as harsh adn cruel, but necessary and hopeful. It is through His action that the Earth can be truly free to search, knock, and prayer to God.

I do not think we are supposed to suffer through winter anymore than we are to suffer on friday and saturday fo teh Easter holiday. We know what happens in the spring justa s much as we know what happened that wonderful sunday morning some 2,000 years ago. God is showing us that He is faithful and we need to look hopeful to Him.

But this is what I gathered from my fall.

Ministry

To what extent am I a minister already? Christ indeed very focused on His task. Am I? What more could be doing that would be part of who God has made me to be? What things am I doing that i could stop?
Little distractions, thats all they are, these thigns that "so easily snare adn tangle". But God does not give me more than I can handle, right? Well, if this is so, and it is, I do believe, than all of my distractions, these pieces of glass that hang and draw my eye back to myself, are part of the things that are my ministry, part of the work Christ has for me. It is not so much that they are there to be a part of my work, but just that they are.
Liek that guy I pass who is broken down on the highway. i automatically am concerned not for his safety or his well-being, but for the fact that I am running behind and that I have somewhere to be. This little mirror shows me what is wrong with me, more thna it does what's happened to him (which is obvious, his car is broken). I do not know if he needed help, but then I never stopped to ask.
So, back to more intorsepction, how much mroe do I have to be in order to be a minister? And will the next time I see a guy broken down on the highway, or a woman crying in a Wal-Mart parking lot, be any different?

these last days...

Well, it goes around. Most know this cycle but only a couple can really call it a struggle. Most just call it life and most would just succumb. But I'm called to be something different. Right?
I rise up but I fall, and then I walk a bit in the Light, knowing thats where I should be. but I knowingly turn away. its my choice, and I'm aware of it. Yet, it's always the same pattern. I am left alone - rather I leave Your sight to go to places I know I shouldn't, and look at things I know I shouldn't.
And to what end? Where will this all lead me except from the safety of my Saviour's arms and eyes. It is there I am safe and it is there I am truly wanted.
But how willingly I trade my trip to the shore for mudpies. I know the truth but find it hard to apply to my life - and so easily I try to fit others through it, as if they are play-doh and Christ is that molding machine. How can I possibly lead others where I so easily run away from?
I just need to stay focused on the path set before me, knowing the truth and pursuing "hard after You".