Hanukkah has come and gone

Well, Hanukkah has come and gone and my holiday season has officially ended.  New Year's is tomorrow but I don't know that its a holiday.  The passing of the old year into the new could make some grateful, even relieved, I suppose.  There are promises that make me think counter to this though.  I usually think about these things around Easter, but I'm aware very much right now of the joy that I should have that His promises are renewed each morning, that I am not the same as I was yesterday.  I'm not really looking for an excuse to stay up and see 12:01 to congratulate myself on surviving another year.

Somedays, I'd just much rather be home.

My book

I've decided that I will be writing a book. It'll be anecdotes about my many jobs as a server, as a substitute teacher, and, now, as a front desk clerk. I dunno about a title, but I'm thinking about "Tales from something or other". I'll take suggections if anyone's got a good one...

Hands of a friend of mine

Today I went to a meeting for Children's Church and I got to sit next to a mechanic friend of mine.  His hands are filthy, and constantly soiled.  I've seen his hands clean, but they are not the clean that I think many would be able to eat with.  But they amaze me.  These are hands that are fully engrossed in their work.  They are not just covered in grime, there are cuts, and bruises and blood stains.  These are hands that are busy at their work and they show it.

When I stand before the Master's Gates and Thomas asks to see my hands may they show the work I've done to the extent of this mechanic's, scars and blood stains, grime and all.  May they reflect the glory of God in every knuckle and sinew.

Here is the problem with being a sub...

Here is the problem with being a substitue teacher at times: they think of themselves (the students) as my peers. They do not respect the teacher, and I am a somewhere less. A day like today does everything it can to convince me that this is a fallen world and it is hurtling ever faster, ever further, down.

But my Father does not comfort me. Instead He leads me to the cross, where His heart is and I am broken even more. I am not sad at the plight of the world, but depressed that I appear ineffective and hopeless. What can I possibly do? What could I possibly say? How self-centered am I that this is what I care about?

To hear them talk - how they do not want anything to do with any religion - that they're OK. They refer to it as fairytale. They deman fairness, but its really a mask for their own selfishness.

This is the world I enter into 5 days of the week. This is my life and days like today just make me weep inside. How strong am I? How much mroe can I take?

What is the extent of my patience?

What is the extent of my love for these kids?

Dr. Livingstone, I presume?

Today is the day when the famous question was given and answered as two men met in Africa...

"Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"

He was a great man and many followed Dr. Livingstone.  His life, disappearance, and death in Africa turned the already busy business of African missions into a huge business.  However, one of his biggest regrets was the fact that his children grew up fatherless.  He served the Lord, but he realised too late that his family paid the price.  

No matter my calling, I cannot think of my family as any less of a blessing, nor a primary place of my immediate ministry.

Praying for President Obama

Ok, I'm not lazy.  Josh Harris not only beat me to the punch, but did a much better job than I could have...

On Sunday I told my church that after the election half the country would be elated, confident that all would be right in the world because their candidate won; the other half dejected and sure that the world had ended because their candidate lost. But Christians should realize that both sides are wrong. If you voted for Obama, he isn't worthy of your ultimate hope. And if you didn't vote for him, don't despair as though Jesus isn't reigning over the world.

Those who call Jesus their Lord can be filled with a quiet peace and confidence in all seasons. Our Savior is never in the White House. Our Savior is Jesus. We must turn to him with joy and faith. And as we do let's pray for our new President Elect that God would give him wisdom and grace to lead our nation in the days to come. My friend Justin Taylorshares the following helpful words:

No matter who you voted for--or whether you voted at all--it's important to remember that, as President, Barack Obama will have God-given authority to govern us, and that we should view him as a servant of God (Rom. 13:1, 4) to whom we should be subject (Rom. 13:1, 5; 1 Pet. 2:13-14).

• We are to pray for Barack Obama (1 Tim. 2:1-2).
• We are to thank God for Barack Obama (1 Tim. 2:1-2).
• We are to respect Barack Obama (Rom. 13:7).
• We are to honor Barack Obama (Rom. 13:7; 1 Pet. 2:17).

There are many qualifications to add to these exhortations--for example, see this excellent post by John Piper--but it's still important to remember that these are requirements for all Bible-believing Christians.

Though I deeply disagree with Barack Obama on certain policy issues (most notably his support of abortion), I am committed to praying for him and his family in the years to come. And I am grateful to God that in his election our country has taken an important step away from its sad history of racism and prejudice.

Election Day, woo hoo

"But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory and the lifter of my head."

-Psalm 3:3

"Whom shall I fear?"

- Psalm 27:1

Regardless of who is elected, I'm gonna be OK.  My hope is not resting on the democratic process, but, to quote Webb, a king and a kingdom.

Up at 5:30.. nothing good on TV

So, while I'm up, I check my blog subscriptions.  Here is a great little something to think about from Josh Harris:

 If one more person reminds me to set my clock back, "Aaaarrrghghggh!" But seriously thanks, everyone. Although I will probably still forget. Nowadays with cell phones and electronic devices that automatically change the time things can get really confusing. One year I changed the time on my PDA before I went to bed, but then the PDA also changed the time automatically in the middle of the night. Then it woke me up two hours off schedule. I was really confused. Today I read an interesting article in the Washington Post by Monica Hess entitled "It's Not Just a Matter of Time." In it Hess talks about why different parts of the country and world refuse to accept the practice of daylight savings. She writes,

What these time change wars are really all about, of course, is a sense of control. Over our daily schedules, over our national identity and, in the bigger sense, over the one thing that waits for no man. We cannot stop the march of time, but we can stop clocks, even wind them back an hour once a year.

It is pretty funny when you think about it. We try to control things and make ourselves more productive and efficient by all pretending that we can change the time. What if we all started freelance time-changing just to suite our individual preferences? That would be a mess. "I was going to be late for our meeting today so I set my clock back an hour. It's now 10AM in my universe." Anyway, back to the Post article. Did you know that they not only don't practice daylight savings in China, but they don't have time-zones? Hess writes, "The entire country is set to Beijing, meaning 9 a.m. is still dark for some citizens and practically the middle of the afternoon for others." Wild. But the most interesting portion of the article (and now you'll understand the title of this post) is the closing paragraph that tells the story of terrorists who literally died because of a time change. Have you ever heard this story?

Back in 1999, terrorists on the daylight-saving West Bank built several time bombs, delivered to co-conspirators in Israel and scheduled to explode at a set time. Problem was, Israel had just switched back to standard time, so the only people injured were the terrorists themselves when the bomb detonated an hour earlier than they expected and killed them all.

If only all terrorists were so easily thwarted. Okay, one more time: "Don't forget to set your clocks back." Goodnight

I'm on the cover of the Patriot News...

Yesterday was the McCain/Palin Rally in Hershey and i was asked to help out.  I just figured I'd have some nothing task outside, but it would be a fun experience.  How wrong I was!  lol...

I got to help out as a press volunteer, and my assignment put me on the floor of the Rink.  So, there I was with Jamie Creason, all dressed up in my bowtie, green Roo's on my feet, volunteer badge around my neck, ready to keep people out of the areas they weren't supposed to be, and to fill up the areas that needed it most.  A simply frustrating task... no matter how polite and persuasive you can be, there are just some who choose not to lis

ten.  Even if you honestly tel them they have the worst seats, that their seats would soon be completely obstructed, or that if they would go beneath the gigantic flag they could have the oppurtunity to shake either McCain's or Palin's hands... they still won't budge.  Or worse, they just pretend you're not there.  

But, we had a blast... so much so, that today my body aches, my feet are killing me and voice is rough... Understandable, right?  I was at a rally...

Well, I went the extra-mile, as perhaps only I could.  lol... Since we were on the floor, and had a lot of running room, we were able to do all kinds of things.  Getting our side to chant various pro-McCain things, and "USA", and the wave.  I had a blast!  I got so into it, my first sign was ripped in two.  Someone from the crowd came down and gave me another one so i could continue.  And it would be noticeable if any of the American news agencies were there!  lol... I will be on the Irish National News on Friday night, and the Spanish National News at some point this week, and I was interviewed for the Czech Republic National Radio.  What you would see, if we got any of those things, is me, generally acting like a total fool, throwing my body into all kinds of things, while wearing a bowtie.  Basically, what you see on wednesday nights at Devonshire when I'm Gordo, or on Sunday mornings when I'm teaching.

I did happen to make the front page of the Patriot News... ok, so did a thousand other people.  I'll post it below.  You can see me standing in the lower left corner of the pic, next to Jamie, I think.  I'm the taller one.  Yeah, that's me... you can kinda make out the outline of my bowtie, and my camera.

What happens when you teach kids about Determination.

I work with the kids at my church through a wonderful program called Kidstuf... and it is awesome.  I play Gordo, a loveable nerd, who has his share of misadventures, usually ending in him getting pretty excited about something.  And he hates to quit.  Hates it.  

Well, I am Gordo.  

This month we are learning about determination, and this is one of those months where I am learning along with the kids...  I'm learning more about humility, and what it means to be determined, and to "run the race marked out for us." 

Well, what happens when we the route takes a sudden shift?  How will I respond? 

This sunday is the Marine Corps Marathon in DC, and I had planned on running.  I had planned and had been training, but I have had to give up this year's race.  My heart problems have returned, and this time it has been joined with other problems.  I'm having tests done, and other awesome things are being hooked up to my body... I envision myself Darth Vader, but with both my real hands.  

But my determination has turned into stubborn-ness.  I loved that feeling last year after finishing the race, and I was very much looking forward to improving my time.  And well, its pretty hard for me to think that I will not be able to run this year.  

It's pretty hard for me to think that maybe my goals and purposes are not the best in why I want to run. 

I'll be in DC this weekend to watch my wife, Heather, and a good friend of ours, Scott, run the 10k. If any of you are in the area, let me know.

My view is changing me

Well, Autumn is fast upon us here in Harrisburg.  After a brief respite of summer like weather, the cold has latched on fast, and the leaves are down or downing.  I'm thinking about the greatest of all American past times, the election, and am amazed at how often I change my mind about what I'm going to do.  Whether I'm going to or not, who I'm going for or not... it's a long lengthy process and never fully decided 'til I get in that locally curtained booth.  

It's not my indecisiveness that drives this line of thought, it's my view.  And this is a small window into my soul... do you know how often I think and rethink my actions?  Often.  

I was looking over my journals this morning and am amazed about how much I have changed from those days.  And, really, it all comes down to my view on life, and from what vantage I take.  What a low view of life I held back then.  As if I was the only thing that ever mattered, as if it was more important that I get something, of I feel something, or that I am someone.  Hindsight being what it is, it would be so easy for others to look at this as the maturing process.  But I know better.  

I am being renewed in my mind, my heart is being reshaped.  And I'm more aware of life, I am fully awake, like it's the first morning every morning.  His blessings are new each morning, and I have been given the grace to know this, to run after it, and to take what small part it is that I have to play in this.  This view, of the fully and resplendent cross ever before me, is changing me daily, hourly, minute by God given, God rescued, minute.  

How did I ever get on without You?

Some funny stuff

I thought this was funny...

An old favourite

I turned this morning to an old favorite of mine, Scougal's The Life of God in the Soul of Man.  A truly great book, and one that I would encourage anyone to read.  I've turned to it many times, and no matter how horrible I feel, after reading but some pages I regain that correct sense of standing before God: He is great, and I am truly unworthy of His love towards me.  I was also encouraged to know that a man I greatly admire, John Piper, is also a fan of this little book (I was not humble in the thought that I had read it many times before his prompting).  Here is the line I focused on today:

"But he who is utterly destitute of this inward principle, and doth not aspire unto it (freedom in religion), but contents himself with those performances whereunto he is prompted by education or custom, by the fear of hell, or carnal notions of heaven, can no more be accounted a religious person, than a puppet can be called a man...

"...he who hath given himself entirely unto God, will never think he doth too much for him. (38,39)"

My old lady

Heather has turned 29 today, but in her heart she's 55 or better!  A couple of weeks ago she received an AARP card in the mail.  I looked at the envelope questioningly as she opened it.  It is obviously a mistake, I think.  But tell that to all of the ads and flyers we get for her to attend all these seminars on retiring well, or assisted living.  

I am really trying to encourage Heather to attend these.  She would go to try to set the record straight; I want to go because some of these places are offering steak - free steak!  

So, Happy Birthday, Heather... may you enjoy your twilight years, even as far away as they are now.

A shot out for all my...

I need to thank Crystal McClintock for the wonder that she introduced me to: London Fog.  

I know what you're thinking, trench coats.  Nope, I'm talking about the wonder that I invite into my mouth every morning now.  It has become my morning drink, surpassing the usual Caramel Macchiato, which I never thought would happen.  Ah, the Fog.

Now, before you google it, you should be warned that I am not an alcoholic; there is a cocktail drink by the same name.  It is not that one.

It is a hot drink, Earl Grey tea, with a shot of vanilla syrup and warm frothy milk...mmmm... it is beautiful.  

felt so alien

I never feel so alien to this world as when I read the newspaper.  Its just appalling and amazing how terrible, how full of terror, this world is.  And how foreign it is to me.  How could it be that it seems so few recognize the effects of sin?  How can the world , those outside of Christ, not feel this immeasurable weight and not see that they cannot be the solution?  Our dirty hands can not in anyway help wash one another's.  

The great problem of Christianity is that sin is inescapable, and that we can recognize it so readily.  Its the elephant in the room.  Its the sunspot in our eye.  I didn't have this problem before I was a Christian.  And as a sign of maturing faith, I can recognize my alien-ish feelings as my longing to go home.  But I am here, sometimes with a broken heart, wondering and longing for others to see what I see.  

Raccoon goes to shore

This past weekend, I had the best time with my church's youth group.  We went to Ocean City, NJ, which has become the habit for the Loft the last couple of years, and its easy to see why.  Not that Ocean City is the most happening town this time of year, 'cause its not.  It's because we are basically alone at the beach... it's off-season and the weather is still good.

I hadn't had the opportunity to go on a youth retreat for awhile, since I started working with the k-5 y.o.'s.  I missed it, but I love working where I am now, that I don't know that I would go back if given the opportunity.  

And I love the beach.

Love it.

I was asked to lead worship through the weekend for the youth, and heartily agreed.  It was a great experience, and I definitely felt God throughout the whole weekend, because I knew I could not do it on my own.  

On Sunday morning we went down to the beach for some ocean time, and a time of worship with a lesson led by Pastor Todd.  As I trudged past the dunes, guitar in tow, I noticed that there was a strange set of footprints amongst those of the kids who had run before me.  A raccoon had been on the beach. Probably looking for clams and trash washed ashore over the night's high tide.  

At that moment I had a small flash... we are not the only ones on this beach. God did not create all the world for us; this sun-rising, foggy beach was not prepared for me to stand on a couple of days a year.  I prayed that our worship that morning would not be outdone by the ocean, the million grains of sand, or even by the raccoons, which all can see so plainly, perhaps, what we have to scavenge to perceive.  

Wash your hands, if I'm around, at least

While at school the other day, I walked into the bathroom with a fellow student, who we will call 'Bill".  "Bill" and I were talking, and then we did our thing, and then I washed my hands.  Just me.  He stood there talking, and I'm washing my hands.  There were two sinks and I allowed ample room next to me so that we could both fit... but he talked and I lathered, rinsed and dried.  We both left, and I though to myself that I will never shake "Bill" 's hand again.  Or share a cookie.  And he will never touch my Mac, for sure.

Please, wash your hands if there are others around.  Do not lead us to believe anything other than the hope that you do, in fact, wash your hands.

Thanks.

Finally, proof we had a good time in Disney

Well, its taken a while, but after sorting through all the pictures (around 2,500 of them) I have chosen the ones that will grace our picasa album online.  So, please take a gander:

Disney Trip 2008

A history of short tempers

I took my Nana out to breakfast this morning to learn and map out some of my family history for a class project.  This is what I learned:  The Fullers have short-tempers, and they will shoot you quicker than use their own hands.  There are cemeteries full of Fullers, unfortunately mostly because of other Fullers.  

So where will I fit into this history of violence?

evolution is alive and well

"The perfect surrender and humiliation was undergone by Christ: perfect because He was God, surrender and humiliation because He was man.  Now the Christian belief is that if we somehow share the humility and suffering of Christ we shall also share in His conquest of death and find a new life after we have died and in it become perfect, and perfectly happy, creatures.  This means something much more than our trying to follow His teaching.  People often ask when the next step in evolution - the step to something beyond man - will happen.  Well, on the Christian view, it has happened already.  In Christ, a new kind of man appeared: and the new kind of life which began in Him is to be put into us."

~C.S. Lewis

The Case for Christianity, p.51

The Shack, being Left Behind, and ...?

Yes, I read the Shack.  At the behest and someone else's dime I read it in about a day. Did I lose my salvation? No.

Though I do not, do not, agree with everything the author presents, I found some great imagery at best, an OK storyline at its worst.  I was intrigued as to how this little story would play out.  And then I read all the critiques.  And then I talked to some people.  And then I talked to other people.  And then I went to the Shack website... and now, well now I'm confused.  

I'm well aware of all the theological woes it gives someone.  It gave them to me, too.  Some were not as weighty as others, but they were still there.  And yet, and yet I cannot deny the personal testimonies of others who say they are getting so much out of this book.

But this is the confusing part.  The Shack website.  Especially the forum.  On the one hand, this book is presented as a theological groundstone, adding nothing new except this experience of the Trinity.  According to the authors and the forum writers, this little book is consistent in every way to well-established orthodoxy (And you read the authors responses and you can better understand their point of view and their confusion as to why they are not being understood and being called heretics).  But, on the other hand, you keep getting thrown at you from all sides the emphasis that this is a novel, a fictional account, a parable, and a metaphor.   This fictional account helps to point out truth, but should not be mistaken for truth itself. But this is just the confusion we do not need.  What type of writing is it?  I would not want to equate it with the Da Vinci code, because it is not, but while Dan Brown points out the fact that this is a fiction book, he will not say that it is not based on fact.

So, what should be done with this book?  

I have no doubt that there are many who have already decided what to do with this book.  I'm the last to read these books, and feel like I got into the conversation late.  But I would not equate this book to Pilgrim's Progress.  As much as the authors and others would like to do this, I dunno that it can be done well.  The Shack just doesn't fit into that genre.  A great modern example of a "fit" would be CS Lewis' The Pilgrim's Regress.  These books do not make their allegories sound anything that could be possible.  They are clearly allegory, and all allusions are drawn from insight and the parallels purposefully given.

If The Shack were to be put on level with another book, I would put it at best on the level with The Left Behind Series.  All of these presentations are great as far as giving you an idea as to what God wants, who he is, what he's doing in the world.  But they make so much of a stance that I would never give them to a non or new Christian without following up with discussion, disclaimers, the Bible, and other books that I think could better explain facets of the faith.  

So, the Shack sits on my bookshelf, next to Ian McEwan's books, which I would recommend you read.  McEwan, as far as I know, is not a Christian, and he ends up saying the same thing about human nature and sin as the most well versed Christians.  But I can explain his stance on God, he's not a Christian and I can only expect him to say so in his writing.  I expect it.

Worship this morning

A child's voice cried out this morning at the most inopportune time: during prayer.  This voice was like a knife and a firework in my heart.  "Dada" he cried, and my heart was to the quick cut and I felt it in my throat, "Dada!"  I long to join in, to release this pent up feeling of longing, of the expectant but not yet.  "Dada", to the present heart, and the heart that is broken, and being destroyed.  

My eyes were shut, but I saw the kingdom in that moment.  My salvation, so long in walking was flying!  

Read old books!

A clever admonition from CS Lewis to some students was to make sure you read old books and not to discard them for the clever new ones.  I dunno that Lewis would ever have considered his books "old" to a future generation, but here they are.  

I pulled down "God in the Dock" and started reading at a random spot ("Is Progress Possible?)  when I came across a bit of his political theory, also found in the masterpiece The Abolition of Man:

"... classical political theory, with its Stoical, Christian, and juristic key-conceptions (natural law, the value of the individual, and the rights fo man), has died.  The modern State exists not to protect our rights but to do good or make us good - anyway, to do something to us or make us something.  ... Let us not be deceived by phrases about 'Man taking charge of his own destiny'.  All that can really happen is that some men will take charge of the destiny of others.  They will be simply men; none perfect; some greedy, cruel and dishonest.  The more completely we are planned the more powerful they will be.  Have we discovered some new reason why, this time, power should not corrupt as it has done before?"

As both candidates look to harness the voters by calling out for change, to what end is their mind going?  Is it going to what Lewis calls for as the "freeborn mind", or is it more control and reliance on specialists, who control us not outright, but by the rights of the educated mind?  Our education system has become a den of specialists who are trying to make the right decisions for our kids instead of really allowing them to make that decision for themselves. Is the education system as it is a microcosm for the larger political scheme?  Which political party is really in control of the education system? 

The larger questions of change are great, I do think there needs to be a lot done about many thins, but what is their vision for the end result?  Are we talking about creating a society that is self-sufficient and able to make well thought out decisions, whose decisions actually matter and have worth, or is the goal a society whose major decisions have really been decided for them and now they just have to keep the system going?

They both want change, but to whose end?  

Col 3:2

Too much of my thought life is focused on things other than those of the heavenly - centered on Christ.  And to what end?

- Destruction

The wind just does what it will in regard to this tree I'm sitting by.  The tree just flutters and bends and waves its branches because it does.  Its helpless to the actions of the wind.  It cannot tell the wind what to do, where it will go or how fast it will go where it needs.

And here I sit observing the actions of the wind yet not really aware of it.  I'm more observant of the tree which is affected by this invisible force, the thing to which the tree allows itself to be affected.  The tree gives itself tot he wind, and I sit more mindful of the effected than the effector/motivator.  

Am I really so ever mindful of the obvious, the observable, rather than the great moving force that causes such a chorus of swaying trees?

Who's convinced you to be silent?

I am using a daily devotional I love.  Its called Solo, and it is a lectio based reading of the Bible which uses Peterson's The Message: Remixed, and I do like it.  It really helps me focus each day and really helps when I find myself struggling for what to pray for.  I do recommend it if you are looking for a devotional. 

However....

Today's was good, and it got me motivated in ways perhaps it did not mean to.  It was just a hypothetical but I wonder how hypothetical it seems.  Based off of 1 Chronicles 16:7-36, "David's Psalm of Thanksgiving", the writers ask, "If you could shout this psalm from anywhere in the world, where would that be? (it might be on a specific mountaintop or by a certain waterfall or even before an international group, such as the United Nations)".  This seems a dolt of a question.  As the redeemed and liberated people of God, what makes us think we don't have this opportunity to shout praise to the Lord Almighty?  Who has convinced us otherwise?

Our lives should be our song, and our words the resounding chorus of such praise!  Our words and actions, made alive and given meaning in Christ, should stir others to "Sing to God, everyone and everything!"  All this in our everyday, humdrum, but God-given normal days.  We don't need to pretend to be somewhere else or that we are more important than we already are.  Just our everyday lives are glorious praises.

Who has convinced us otherwise?  

Henri Nouwen is a smart smart guy

"At every moment you have to decide to trust the voice that says, 

'I love you.  I knit you together in your mother's womb'."

~Henri Nouwen

As of this afternoon, I have been married for 5 years.  Yep, the five big ones.  Its incredible and amazing.  Also amazing, I think, is that on my wedding day I started to write in my third journal.  I thought that it was symbolic of my new life with Heather and my new adventure with God.  Well, as of tomorrow I will have filled my fourth journal to the brim and need to start a new one.  Its amazing, looking over the pages I have scrawled in just who I am now in Christ.  He has brought me so far, and in so many ways further with Heather than I could ever have gone alone in my walk.  

She is such a blessing to me and I am reminded daily of how much she cares for me.  After 5 years, I still see that beautiful shape that greeted me after the long procession to the altar.  I am overwhelmed by all that she is to me and would imagine my life lacking had I not known her.  

And so the Henri Nouwen quote.  It took me a while to trust God and to follow Him, even into dating Heather.  There were so many things going on in my head.. but to let go and to trust Him, the one who made me, knows me so well, and loves me despite.  So ever thankful.

I am, unfortunately, amazed

I am more and more amazed by God and His providence daily.  Looking at the last two weddings I've been to these last two weeks, both willingly and honestly point to God as the one who brought those couples together.  Last night, I talked to another friend who in week's time went from being the most uncertain person about his future to having the next 2-3 years covered for school and financially secure.  I also found out that someone's words which were meant to do harm to me were confounded and turned instead into my blessing.

Amazing.  I am amazed.

"One of these days the earth will shake;

These iron bars will fall away."

I am amazed, unfortunately.  Should I I ever expect the Father to do otherwise?  He is good and awesome, and He loves to care for us.  He is amazing by our deficiencies; He is faithful because of who He is.

I don't want to lose the wonder, but I long for the day when I am no longer amazed, but just knowingly am exceedingly grateful for who He is and expect, truly, that all things work for those called to His purpose.  He is true to al of His words, sunrise to sunrise.  Because He is.

The way for me is Apnea free!

 Well, after a horrible night's sleep at the Sleep Disorder Center, with electrodes gummed to my head and wires all about my body, it was determined at 5 this morning that I do not have Apnea.  hurray I guess.  I've been saying that all along.  

What this does mean, however, is that there is still no known reason as to why my heart does its jittery thing.  I'm kind of under the impression that maybe its my thing.  Some people can jump high, some naturally smell good, I have a heart jittery thingy.  And yours doesn't.  And thats just your too bad.

I did come home this morning to a great e-mail from Brent with a link to "Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog", which was a web based musical with Neil Patrick Harris.  I know what you're thinking... "Hey, Warwick, maybe you have a musical thingy as well as a heart thingy"... and I would say, "Yes, that may be true", however, this is clever.  Very clever.  A little too clever.  If you would like to watch it, and I think you do, go here:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog

wars all around

1 Kings 5 starts....

1 When Hiram king of Tyre heard that Solomon had been anointed king to succeed his father David, he sent his envoys to Solomon, because he had always been on friendly terms with David.2 Solomon sent back this message to Hiram:

 3 "You know that because of the wars waged against my father David from all sides, he could not build a temple for the Name of the LORD his God until the LORD put his enemies under his feet. 4But now the LORD my God has given me rest on every side, and there is no adversary or disaster. 5 I intend, therefore, to build a temple for the Name of the LORD my God, as the LORD told my father David, when he said, 'Your son whom I will put on the throne in your place will build the temple for my Name.'

 6 "So give orders that cedars of Lebanon be cut for me. My men will work with yours, and I will pay you for your men whatever wages you set. You know that we have no one so skilled in felling timber as the Sidonians."

 7 When Hiram heard Solomon's message, he was greatly pleased and said, "Praise be to the LORD today, for he has given David a wise son to rule over this great nation."

What peace am I lacking in order to follow the desires God has for me?  How much time do I spend battling death and all his friends instead of living in the freedom of Christ that I can not serve God as I would, or as I could?

Father, help me to discern and take action.  

Mercy and Kindness

"Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great; 

but let me not fall into the hand of man."

-2 Samuel 24:24

To have and to practice the forgiveness of God, to be able to display such mercy against those who have wronged me, what a better witness to the changed life under the Lordship of Christ can there be?  It is so against out nature to forgive, and it is perhaps so against out culture which hides under the auspices of a forgetful mind, allowing everything to just pass over as if it is not a big deal.  Or sometimes making the most of such a situation by lording it over how much we've been wronged or how much wrong we've forgotten?  

Help me, Father, to be the living example You need, no matter how counter the world it may make me.  Your love endures forever and Your grace knows no end!  Help me to show Your people what this means, and demonstrate to others so they may see Your glory!  Teach me to be forgiving, as You forgive, as You have forgiven me so much.

Ch ch ch ch changes!

I'm really not sure when I met Emily.  I know that I met her through my sister, Kyleigh.  I know that when we were together we had a good time.  I really started to hang out with her when we were both at HACC.  I really got to know her when I started my Bible Study... we actually met for the first time on her birthday!  Kyleigh and Debbie made this ridiculous cake with a bear on it... we met at Denny's, the one that doesn't exist anymore in Union Deposit.  

I started the Bible Study because I knew that I needed to surround myself with other Christians, I needed a community to grow in... I think for all of us it was what we needed.  When others stopped coming, or their interests changed or fell away, Emily was always a constant.  I could always count on her solid insights, and well, all the heart that she brought to the study.  

We were together weekly for quite a while... almost 5 years!  incredible when you think about it.  When Heather ended up living with her and another friend at Millersville I saw her even more.  

And then she left for bigger things and more schooling in St. Louis, MO.  Weird.  Someone that I could always count on was miles away.  Half a continent away.  Forever away.  And then she started seeing this guy, and now they've gotten married... so I guess she'll stay forever away in St. Louis.  A good thing, no doubt.

More so, I can not help but think that God had provided us for each other, all of us, for a season.  And He knows best, and He knows summers, falls, winters, and springs.  It was such a great thing for Heather and I to go out and to see her on the day we all prayed for and about for so long.  God has brought her a husband that will help her and be the man she so longed for in her life.  And we were there to see him, his family, and all of their friends.  

What a blessing to be a witness to all of this, to see where God has brought all of us through and into.  How much our lives have changed since that first meeting at Denny's!  How much He has blessed us because of our commitment to seek Him, to love Him, and to follow Him no matter where He leads!  

'Cause who knows where that will be?  Harrisburg, St. Louis, and beyond!

stinky shepherd boys as unexpected warriors

With all my stuff, all my assurances, all my safety and protection, could I do with less?  If I'm Saul, King of Israel, would I trust a stinky shepherd boy to defeat a seasoned warrior?

When cucumbers attack!

This year, besides spending mucho time on the lawn and garden around the house, I decided it was time to plant a vegetable garden.  There was a great plot right next to the deck and, well, I got to work.  So, I cleared some ground, fixed up the already present garden box, chased away a snake, and planted.  I was careful not to plant too much, the plot is not that big... I planted three kinds of tomato, green peppers, red peppers, Pablo Anchos (a hot pepper that my mum had bought accidentally so I took it off her hands), pepperocinis, basil, mint, parsley, corn, eggplant, and cucumber (for pickles).

Well, the first two weeks went by and all was well... and then the rains came.  My garden has become overflowing... literally.  There are leaves and flowers hanging out all over the place.  The mint, parsely, and basil have taken over the east side, the tomatoes are out of control, and cucumbers... well, let's say the cucumbers are everywhere, everywhere!  I've got cucumbers coming out all over!  I thought at first the cukes were just overzealous tomatoes, but no... the cucumbers are out of control.  They are everywhere.  

Every time I head outside to look at what I've done to the yard, I'm surprised at all that has occurred.  Plants are still coming out to bloom, and my veggie plot is busting out all over.  I put a lot of hard work into the ground and soil, and I still weed, pulling out the unwanted and trimming for health those I want to stick around.  

The care that goes into these plants that probably will not come back.  But I do what I can to those plants to make that their time here is productive and they can do all that they can while they are here.  

I'm still surprised at how I sometimes miss the forest for the trees.  I only pay attention to the pruning and not the over abundance of fruit... or the over abundance of fruit and not the one who prunes and toils the soil.  If I'm gonna be the most that I can be, I need to focus on the Maker, the Carer, the Tiller, and trust that He is doing all that He can do to make my time here that most abundant life for His glory.

The depths are unquenchable

"Deep calls unto deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me."

~Psalm 42:7

What a beautiful image.  I wonder if David was sitting by a waterfall when he wrote this.  I wonder if while we was thinking about his position a deer came up to drink from the pool as he sat there motionless inspiring the first line.  Could he see Hermon and Mt Mizar from where he was?  

The limitless and awesome glory of God being poured down, a testament to His name and witness to His power.  Is this what David sees as he hears that sound of falling, rushing water? Into a pool on earth.  A pool that never seems satisfied, but constantly is just drinking deep the deluge from above.  As quickly as the pool takes in this splendor, it empties itself ready to take in more.  Never satisfied, always craving more.

My heart is the same.  I am never satisfied but long for more of You, Father.  In many ways the doubts and the wonder need the same thing, more of Your power, more of Your constant provision.  I can only do so much, but am forced just to sit there and take in this flow, this barrage from above.  Knowing that if I move away from here, out from under You, I will dry up.

A Man for All Seasons

I have decided that I can not completely make any lasting political decisions.  I dunno that I can even make a decision or barring statement for my entire life.  I can not wholly embrace Pacifism, nor can I totally brandish the saber.  

Can war ever be just?  Peace for peace's sake makes no sense either.  

Instead, I must be a man for all seasons.  

Eccl 3 says:

 1 There is a time for everything, 
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die, 
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, 
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, 
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up, 
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, 
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate, 
       a time for war and a time for peace.

It is the Phrase "Under Heaven" that has me thinking.  All these things are under the guidance of one who is really in control, bringing all things under His foot, to the glory of Him.  I should strive for peace, but should I make peace my only option?

Is this a subject that is so cut and dry, either black or white?

If you know me, then you know my love for CS Lewis, and I am indebted to his essay, "Why I am not a Pacifist". But Lewis wrote during and after World War 2, when the evil seemed so apparent, so real.  Can we equate the time and struggles, politically, economically, and socially, to those felt by that generation?  I don't think so and really think that we should examine the times we live in and stop looking for signs, those reminders of things we already experienced and possibly already found the answer to.

All this to say, not sure which button I'll push in November, not sure if I'll even enter a booth.  But I will not make my decision based on who is the lesser of two evils.  I cannot vote on party lines, or on the same issues I voted on last election.  Instead, I'll look for direction from the One in Heaven.

Just a question..

Just a thought... how do you discover that you have the ability to swallow a sword?  Is it one of those things you do on a dare?  Or, you know, you're walking along with your sword and you trip...?  Seriously.

 And along this thought, I go online and I find that there is an actual Sword Swallowers International Association.  Awesome.  

Oh, and they take donations.  I'm assuming its for educational purposes and for helping the swallowing-gone-badly.

Political Evangelicals

Thanks to Derek for sharing this video.  Its a conversation held between three Evangelicals across the spectrum.  Well worth the look.  Definitely got me thinking.  And its how I met Shane Caliborne... interesting guy, got me thinking.

I would also, then, greatly encourage you to listen to the Covenant Life Church podcast, especially Josh Harris' talk on Jer 29, "Living in Babylon" 3/11/08... its totally free so there's no excuse.  Harris's talk, though un-intentioned by him, was a great follow-up to watching this video.  

Left me with one question:  Are we exiles?  Are we foreigners in a strange land?  And if so, what does that mean for us, especially in the political spectrum of the world in which we live?

I know, more than one question, I know, but worth the asking, in my head.  

I've planted my garden.  I got married and have two kids, so I'm doing ok living in this world waiting for God to take me home.  I've been wondering whether or not we should vote.  Should we vote? I know, its our duty as a citizen, but really, how good a citizen am I?  Am I allowing democracy to shape my faith and priorities, or is my faith shaping the democracy I live in?  

I dunno yet.  

After the Death of Moses

Josh 1:1-9

I come to you, Father, after a mixed up night of troubled sleep.  Why am I so afraid?  Because I've made mistakes, some really bad decisions, and my past still haunts me.  I'm afraid of my past, its darkness and turbulence, all because I've made some bad choices.  "Long laments and past regrets they find me somehow."  And I ask, Father, what am I supposed to do about it now?

I crawl into Your arms a d rest.  And I weep and fret into Your arm.  I was resolved once to live a lifestyle away from You.  How foolish I was, to hear your voice and to turn away.  

And here I am, lamenting that foolish decision to walk away and fretting about its consequences long after turning to You.  

'There's no condemnation for those found in Christ Jesus."

But what about the kind I bring on myself?

Here is my hope, that as I focus more on You and Your Word, I'll be less focused on myself and more upon You.  I find salvation in You each morning.  Each morning my hope is renewed.  All for Your name and glory, Father, help me to serve You.  Give me opportunities and words - fill me with praise each morning as I meditate on Your words.  I can not imagine the depths of Your love, but plunge me deep, Father.

Huntington, Part deux

Joel, Tyler (Joel's roommate) and I went out for a night on the town.  Being that its Huntington, there was nothing to do, so we went to the movies and saw the new Indiana Jones flick.  Well, we had a good time, and it had very little to do with the movie.    

Note on the fauna... there are black squirrels!  Only in myth and in bedtime tales have I heard of them.  I tried to catch this one, but I was then attacked by a bee (Thank-you Rusty, for trying to get my attention, but failing to notice the trouble I was in!).  

So, just how flat is Indiana?  Take a look at this picture.  You can actually see the curve of the earth in the background!  Those aren;t mountains, but a farmhouse 23 miles away!  OK, maybe not that far, but I think you get the idea.  If it had been corn season, there would've been nothing visible except all the turkey buzzards, and there are plenty of them.

And, back home, where I fond out you have to pay $3 just to get back into.  Where does all my tax money go?  And, man, you should see the brand new rest areas they've built.  I would've taken pictures of them but I didn't want to be the focus of other people's blogs as the "guy casing the rest areas", cause what if they get bombed?  Your truly ends up front page.  

It was a good trip, good time seeing the country, and realizing how much I like mountains.  it was also a good experience meeting other pastors within the denomination.  Its very easy to forget that there are others out there of the UB persuasion.  

If you're dying to see who else was in my class, go here:

Church History Class Finishing Up - bishop

You'll notice my credentials, or course.  I wonder how they found out about this blog...?  Maybe I'm more famous than I thought.  

Huntington, Part 1

So, this past week I was out in Huntington, IN, for the UB History Seminar... which means nothign to anyone else unless they are going through ordination in the UB.  Which I am, by the way.  Here are some pics from my trip which I hope will explain what it is I did out there.

So, this is me driving somewhere near Akron, OH.  I don;t know if you can see them, but there are smashed bugs, all to pieces, all over my windshield.  This ride was like the highway of death... there are dead deer all over the place.  The carnage was immense.  There were raccoons, ground hogs, and one gigantic dog (which may have actually been a polar bear).  It was crazy gross out there.

And here I am driving through Akron.  Now, I know you are wondering why I would try to take a picture while I am driving.  Well, how often do you drive by the World Headquarters of GoodYear???

This would be where I stayed on Huntington's campus, Miller Hall.  It was very nice, and dormish.  I won't tell you how fast I got there, but I made good time.  

And here's the room I stayed in.  I tried to model after the various dorm rooms I had been in, since I had never had the pleasure of living in one.  Notice the laptop is in the up and on position?  Good Bless the Mac.

While I was out there I got to hang out with Joel, a friend of mine from the camp days.  He lives in the house there, in Huntington, and rides a bike.  Great guy.  We had a good time... definitely needed as I was bored most of my stay in Huntington... there are no mountains and missed them immensely.  There's a hollowness to the noise out there, and everything just carries.   I got some help from a guy out in Huntington who suggested I think of the clouds as reference points for mountain peaks... but only in the Alps can mountains get and stay that white.  Its such a weird feeling, the MidWest.  I commented to a friend of mine that it was like God had picked me up and placed me in a vast place of desolation.  For miles you can see, and yet so far from the ocean.  

Joel helped alieve my mountain-sickness.  

some good listening

For the last two days I listened to, and thoroughly enjoyed a conversation podcast from Sovereign Grace Ministries called the "Sovereign Grace Interview Series".  It's been great and I would really promote it to anyone who asked.  Its juts this simple interview/conversation between Josh Harris, CJ Mahaney, and Jeff Purswell.  You can get them off of itunes for free. So, go do that.  No, seriously, go do it.  Just humour me if for no other reason.  I'm not gonna write anymore about anything else, so you can do that.  

let me know what you think.

Same job, new location... new name?

I've started working at the Hershey Red Robin this week (thank-you to everyone who kept my job searching in your prayers). Things are definitely much of the same there as they are at any other Red Robin, I'm sure.  I will say that i am really enjoying the company of the dayshift people a lot.  They're so friendly, so far, and have really gone out of their way to make my first couple of days there great.

I've even garnered a new nickname: Linus.  I know, what you're thinking.  Not the Charlie Brown Linus, named after the theologian... no no.  Two of them thought I looked like Linus from Lost, and so... I'm Linus.  It's cute, I think.  I mean, he is the weird character who controls the beast and kills people... but I imagine in my head they are calling me after the likes of my favourite Charlie Brown character and think nothing of it.  Anyway, please judge for yourself:

at the age of 29....

At the age of 29, I have my first two grey hairs. What in the world! And they're long, meaning that they have matriculated in with the rest of the growth. I have never imagined myself getting grey hairs. I knew it would happen, but I thought I'd just wake-up one morning and I'd have a distiguished grey head, showing age and wisdom. Instead, I feel as though I've been duped. As though I've been snuck upon in the midst of life and I was too busy to notice I'm almost 30! Hanging out with youth all day, I tend to forget this.

Woe, what a sobering reminder these two strands of white are.

I have not pulled them for fear they may multiply.

I have named them, though: Tithonus and Eos. But If I get more, I may have a whole pantheon on my head.

Why am I watching... this show?

This is my first monday night home in a very long time.  I finally do not have a class.  I had big plans... go to the dentist, come home, read, and watch the shows I wanted to watch... "How I Met Your Mother" being the primary.

Instead...

I watched "Dancing with the Stars" (Of which I think I only knew Christie Yamaguchi, so I'm kinda curious as to what "Stars" they are actually referring to) and "The Bachelor", the bane of my existence.  I hate these shows.  I just can not get into them... to say that they're dumb would be to discredit the actual true reasons for avoiding these shows, especially "The Bachelor", the bane of my existence.  Popularity contests, and a guy who can date, make-out, and disappear into a hotel room at their option before doing the exact same thing the next day... horrible.

My wife is over y shoulder reading this and tells me that I can change the channel... and with all the fibers in my right arm I really want to.. but I know that she would gnaw her arm off trying to figure out what happened... who did the Brit choose?  Did he really end up sleeping with both of them?  Or can the syphilis be maintained?

Seriously, can he say that he is falling in love with two different women at the same time?  It seems incredible to me that anyone would think that this acceptable behaviour.

Ok, so, he did just leave one of the girls alone in her room.  Good for him.  Good for her.  Good for America.

Who am I? The Mulch King

Today was a very productive day, and I am beat.  I weeded, and pulled, and got scared by a snake (I, then, chased the snake the whole way to the creek)... a very busy day.  

And my body is telling me never to do so much again.

But, my eyes just tell me to do more.  The rewards of such work are more than always pretty evident.  I think thats why I like yardwork so much.  

Sure, my ankles hurt, but that could be from my run this morning.  

Brent went to prom & I was encouraged

Brent, my brother, went to the prom.  His last prom, and the last of my siblings to go to CD's prom.  Its weird to think that the Fuller's time in Central Dauphin is drawing to a close.  Since I started kindergarten until Brent graduates, there has been a span of 23 years where the Fullers have marched through one school or another, several times overlapping.  I would like to think that it marks the end of an era, but I've been a sub long enough to realize that there are too many students to attribute so much too so short a span.  Class gifts get taken down, tiles get torn up, soon we're just passing faces who look back fondly on a building that never really cared that we were there.  

It's a shame, perhaps, but then how fond of ourselves are we to look back at the golden days and wonder what is wrong with the kids today?  If our lives are to make any kind of difference, I really think we m

ust be present; in minds and in our bodies.  Our actions must reflect a want to be with the present, not just as in a critique of where things went wrong.  

But I digress.  Brent and his gf, Sydney, looked great.  My brother is pretty funny and Sydney definitely very understanding. 

 They looked good, and from the sounds of it, they had a good time.  Awesome.

And after a week has gone by from my sermon at Devonshire, I can say that it went well.  Yes, it took a week, but I've been so encouraged by the feedback. I've had some wonderful conversations that have stemmed from my time upfront, and I've been so encouraged that I am pursuing God's Will.  

I hope that it is evident beyond me upfront that show that I am seeking hard after Him.

Reflection

Echo was a nymph who loved her own voice, and loved to tell stories.  She was very good at it.  No criticism could persuade her.  Hera, who knew she was just distracting her from finding her loose and lusty husband, cursed her so that she would only ever repeat what anyone said to her.  Eventually she just faded away, and now only her voice remains, doomed to ping off of rocks when she hears a voice anywhere. 

If this is a lesson to be learned, than let it be heard by me.  

I asked for feedback from some of my congregation after I preached yesterday.  I pray that I am more like Christ and less like Echo in that I do not love my own voice more than I love to serve the Father.  I pray that the criticism I receive will bolster me in my seeking to be His servant, and not my own to all people.  

On a very side note, Heather and I were on our way home today and there was a girl dancing and doing some beam techniques on the curb.  Of course she had headphones on and was facing the other way... she didn't realize we were there until we were almost beside her.

Its not everyday you see someone doing that kind of stuff outside, let alone on the curb.  She was quite good.  

When was kite flying ever cool?

So, today we had the small family shin-dig for Brieanna's and mine birthday.  Small, family gathering, and a good time.  My family is great.  We get a long, and we're very sarcastic... playful.  Nothing ever mean-spirited, and usually in good taste.  We're a very clever people, full of wit and we're well read, so our thoughts are never original, but so easily placed.  I think we're fun.  

Well, today was a good day, as earlie

r mentioned.  I've been under the weather lately, and I've been incredibly tired.  But the weather was beautiful and Heather and I walked up to my parent's house with the girls.  Beautiful day.

So we flew a kite.

It was Claire's first kite.  Lily's, too, but Claire seemed much more into it.  And by much more into it, I mean, one lasted one minute more than the other.  Altogether, though, there was only about 5 minutes of kite flying involving the girls.  I spent a majority of the time flying it myself and hanging out with a friend of Brieanna's who, now in her 20's, had never flown a kite before.  I don;t know why, but I thought the girls would be more into it.  I was more into it when I was  kid.  I loved it.  But it just did not hold their attention.  

Not at all.

Has kite-flying become post-cool?  Or are my kids just not old enough?

They're certainly cool enough, so it must be the kites.

Of course, the whole thing ended with a whipped-creme fight between Brieanna and I so, like I said, this just shows, we are fun people.

Hypocrite with a sense of irony

I ran across this quote, and thought, Awesome.

"A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought."

~ Dorothy L. Sayers

Bells on!

Today is indeed my birthday.  Indeed.  

I've decided to take a lax view on my birthday, this year.  I appreciate all the kind comments, and all the fond wishes, but I think I'm sticking more to the Mad-hatter on this one: There are 364 un-birthdays.  What makes this day so special that I can not get together with my friends and have cake then?  

I know what you're thinking: Grinch, a heart 8 sizes too small.

But I would rather have no excuse to get together than what I think would be a forced one.  Not forced on their part, but mine, mind you.  Further, it is not my birthday as much as it is a reminder to me that I was born with a purpose, and needed Him to fill my lungs, just like Adam.  I am just like Adam in my birth.  I do not fully live without His breath.  And yet I turn away.  I still turn away. 

Here is my reason for celebrating today, if not any day:  my new life in Christ and the opportunity granted by all to enter into this community with the Father.  May my life, from start to finish, be no more than the hopeful lived out experience of such a promise fulfilled.

I had one such opportunity today, and I thank God for allowing me this on my birthday, because it just affirms my want to decrease.  I entered a conversation with someone who works at CD high today.  She asked me major, and where I was going to school.  This will either cause people to, a majority of the time, say pleasantries and relate their story and where they go to church.  Or, it causes questions.  This person had questions, mostly from what she had been reading ( I really think it stemmed more from her watching way too much of the history channel, based on her own comments).  I answered her questions patiently, and with great care and thought.  Apparently, I answered them a little too well, praise God, because as I started to run for the classroom she followed me, with more questions to be answered.  Seriously, she followed me down a hall, up a flight of stairs, and down another hallway until we reached the door, where, thankfully, she stopped.  I told her that I would gladly talk to her another time about this, and she assured me that she would think of more questions.

I'm praying that I'm not the only one who can answer the questions in her life.

It was great, and I thank God that He reminds me why I was born.  To this end I was purposed, and crafted.  To point back to Him.  To glorify His name, wherever I am, however I can.  

364 un-birthdays.  Give me no reason to celebrate, and I will be there, bells on!